Demand 01
A public holiday on every Monday.
What we mean, slowly.
We propose a national holiday on the first Monday of every month, in honour of anyone who has ever been asked to come in on their day off. Paid. Mandatory. No exceptions.
Manifesto
The Five Demands
These are not suggestions. These are the only five things this party has ever asked for. We will not be adding more. We are not running a complaints box; we are running a manifesto.
Demand 02
Free chai at every government office.
What we mean, slowly.
Not coffee. Not a fancy machine. A small steel glass of chai, served by someone who is at least mildly happy to be there. We will pay for this with a small levy on corporate sponsors of self-improvement seminars.
Demand 03
Right to refuse forwarded WhatsApp greetings.
What we mean, slowly.
A legal right, enforceable, to not reply to good morning images, blinking diyas, and motivational quotes set against sunsets. No fines, no apology, no guilt.
Demand 04
Mandatory chair audits in every office.
What we mean, slowly.
Every office chair in the country, audited every quarter, for spine integrity, lumbar support, and willingness to not squeak. Failures will be replaced, with receipts.
Demand 05
A small medal for finishing the paperwork.
What we mean, slowly.
Any form longer than two pages and submitted in good faith will be acknowledged with a tiny medal and a formal note. The medal is symbolic. The note is not.