Join

Join the swarm

Eligibility is broad, the bar is low, and the chair is comfortable. Sign in with Google to mint your official membership card.

Who can join

✓Anyone over 13 with a Gmail account
✓Anyone who has ever lost a fight with a government website
✓Anyone whose plant has outlived a relationship
✓Anyone who reads the small print
✓Anyone, anywhere, who has been asked to come in on a Monday

Free, forever, no asterisks

There is no paid tier. There will never be a paid tier. If anyone asks you to pay for a CJP card, they are scamming you; please report them to us so we can be furious on the internet.

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What we store

Your name, your Gmail address, your optional state and city, and a profile photo if you upload one. We do not sell, share, or trade this. You can delete it at any time from your dashboard.